Going Back to Living in 2002

May 30, 2012

A year and a half ago I began this blog with the following paragraph:

I’m so excited to start blogging.  I used to write for fun.  Like fiction.  All the time.  Then about half way through high school I just stopped writing.  I’m so looking forward to starting up again!  Many of my friends have blogs and I always thought, “How in the world do they have time to be wives and mothers and blog all the time!?”  Well, I soon found out: My baby sleeps all the time!!  It is because of that (and, therefore, the amount of free time I now find myself with) that I decided to start this blog.  My life may change, in fact, I know it will, but at this point in time I have enough time to devote a few hours a week to this and the desire to share with you what the Lord is teaching me about my home, my health, and my heart.  My prayer is that this blog will be an encouragement to you in your journey to become a woman, wife, and/or mother after God’s own heart. (emphasis added)

I do still have “the desire to share with you what the Lord is teaching me.”

I do still feel that desire.  I still want to help others and I still want to learn from others.  I truly love what having this blog has done in my life.  It’s opened up so many opportunities.

I’ve re-connected with several sweet friends from my past–I love you girls so much and am so thankful for your far-away support.

I’ve grown closer to a like-minded family member I wouldn’t have gotten close to otherwise.

I’ve been able to begin new conversations with dear friends I see every day–opening up my heart to you has grown us even closer.

I’ve been given the chance to contribute to another blog with a future I’m very excited about.

In addition, writing my thoughts out, organizing my musings, and sharing ideas with you has forced me to become more organized, thoughtful, and purposeful myself.

I’m so thankful for this year of active blogging and well, I am going to miss it.  I know I’m going to long to write to you and I know I’m going to wish, at times, that I was still blogging actively.

But, you see, my life has changed in two ways since I wrote that above paragraph two Januarys ago:

I no longer “have enough time to devote a few hours a week to this.”

That baby that I mentioned in the above paragraph–the one who slept all the time?  Well, he doesn’t sleep all the time anymore.  He’s now 20 months old and is in the process of losing his morning nap.  I think we’re getting really close to potty training.  He’s beginning to get very interested in certain subjects and I want to spend time figuring out fun activities we can do together that will engage his little mind and curiosity.

Oh, and it’s not just him anymore, either.  There’s a new baby (who does, by the way, sleep all the time right now).  She won’t always, though.  It was hard enough to match up their naps–I need to clean and cook (or rest, I mean, let’s be honest) during the few minutes each day that both babies are asleep.

So it’s clear to me that the time I previously had to devote to this blog is quickly diminishing.

I want to blog well if I’m going to blog at all and I just don’t think that’s possible any more.  I mean, I suppose I could squeeze out a few moments here and there, but recently I’ve realized that there are other things that are just much more important to me than stumbling along and keeping up with what would surly become a haphazardly written blog (as if it hasn’t already).

My life has changed.

I’ve been changed over these past few weeks.  I no longer want to feel this incessant need to share every single thing I think with the entire world. 

I’d rather be able to go an entire day–or week–or month–or maybe even the rest of my life without thinking, “Oh!  This is such a sweet/cute/fun/exciting/etc. moment!  I need to show everyone this moment via Instagram or Facebook or Twitter or my blog.”

I want our sweet family moments to be just that without the distraction of posting them for all the world to see.  I just want to free myself from the need to come up with a catchy way of saying anything . . . and everything.  I want to rewind 10 years and live in 2002 for the rest of my life.  Before social media.  Before smart phones.

I used to think the 1950s was where it was at–when life was easy and simple and you just lived your life in your own little sphere.  I used to long for that.  Well, now I just long for 2002.  However, I’ve realized that I have the power to make it 2002 in my home if I want it to be.  I can turn my phone to silent when I want.  I have the power not to check Facebook or Instagram or my email.  I can choose not to watch TV all day long.  I can unplug from the outside world if and when I want to.

A few weeks ago this article was circulating among my friends.  For some reason I decided to read it.  It floored me.  I was hit upside the head with the truths in this post and it took me a few minutes after reading it to stop bawling.  It’s titled “How to Miss a Childhood.”  By reading this article I realized just how much of my son’s childhood I was missing.  The author, Rachel, started her blog, Hands Free Mama, several months after what she calls her Breakdown-Breakthrough.  She finally realized just how much life she was missing by being tied to the outside world (among other things, like her own to do list) and she radically changed her life (and the lives of her 7 and 4-year-old daughters) when she put down her Blackberry and began being there with her kids.

I’m so thankful that Rachel’s blog came to my attention when my children are just 20 months and 1 month old!  What a blessing reading her blog has been.  Immediately after finishing the first post I read, I went to her archives and began with her very first post, “The Way I See It.”  Then I read the next post and the next one and the one after that.  This is now what I do during my middle of the night pumping sessions.  I read Rachel’s blog and I am reminded what sort of mother I want to be.  Her blog has changed my life (and so it has changed Luke & Elizabeth’s lives and they don’t even know it!)

I’m currently in the middle of reading every single blog post from Hands Free Mama and I’m loving it.  I’m loving what it’s doing to the way I think.  I’m loving what it’s doing to my family.  I’m loving all the real time I’m spending with my family–instead of the distracted time.  I cannot encourage you enough to head over there and check it out.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I’m not judging anyone who is a mother and has a blog.  Or is on Facebook.  Or Instagram.  Or checks their email.  Or whatever.  I’m fully aware that many, many women are able to balance being fantastic moms to their kids while doing all these extra things.  I’m just not one of them.  I get ridiculously distracted and find myself far away from what’s going on around me.  It’s me.  It’s not the technology in and of itself.  Please understand that!

So while I do still want to write here and I do still have the desire to share what the Lord is teaching me via this blog, even more than those desires, is the desire to be completely present with my family when I’m with them.

And so . . .

With all that being said, I’ll be taking an extended break from writing here at home | health | heart until . . . well, I don’t know.  Until “I have enough time to devote a few hours a week to this and the desire to share with you what the Lord is teaching me about my home, my health, and my heart,” I guess.  That could be three months from now.  That could be three years from now.  It could be never again.  I just don’t know.

What I do know, though, is that right now I need to free my life from distraction, perfection, over booking, and extra stuff.  I need to stream-line my life–to let go of what doesn’t really matter–so that the little souls that have been entrusted to me get as much love and attention as they need.  Not “hang on, not right now” attention, but “yes, let’s go do that!” attention.  Right now, at this moment in time, I just don’t have the time or quite honestly, the desire, to devote to this blog.

I’ll still be around–on Facebook, and I’m sure I’ll keep posting to Instagram.  It’s not like I’m planning on never turning on any technology.  In fact, I’ll still be a contributor at Desiring Virtue.  (You can read my Natural Living posts here). It’s just that keeping up with my own blog is not for me right now.

I’m sure you understand and I’ll thank you in advance for your support. :) Thank you so much for reading what I’ve written these past 16 months.  I will definitely miss writing here and hearing from you, but I imagine I’ll be back someday.  Until then, see ya in real life (ok, or Facebook)! :)


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